Dream Stalker Two Point Zero
by TornadoWeirdo
Summary: My version of that time Hannibal Bean crawled into Raimundo's head and wreaked havoc. What's really going on in there, by the way?


**So I got another one of those crazy idea spurts again, and instead of doing homework over a long weekend, I wrote this up. It's different from what I normally do to be sure (could've picked a better title too... meh), but I felt it was called for because of my ever-growing dislike of Xiaolin Showdown Season 3. _Oh, my, goodness, gracious._ **

**But why complain about it? This fic takes place in context of "The Return of Master Monk Guan" and of course "The Dream Stalker," complete with my weird twist of weirdness on the original material. And it's _strictly_ a rewrite about Raimundo's dream sequence, so it's more for character than it is for plot. (Tormenting Rai is too much fun for me, now isn't it?)**

**Fact: it would appear that I have been pigeonholed into the "elitist snob" category as of late. Well... so be it then. **

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><p>He awakened, or so he briefly thought, within a cavern of hazy, mystifying mist. It blurred his vision, but as far as he could tell, what he saw was not even meant to be clear as crystal for the eyes – at least for the moment.<p>

"Whoa... must've dozed off," he thought aloud.

The trail of mist coaxed him deeper into the dark and very questionable cave that seemed to stretch on forever.

"Well as long as I'm here, might as well be my own psychologist and see what makes me tick." And with that he strode along inside... deep inside into his own head.

A white light flashed and Raimundo instantly found himself in the wake of a palace made just for him, complete with skateboarding ramps, pool tables, and plenty of arcade games.

"Wow..."

After taking all this in, he glanced over and noticed a certain female monk in her pink kimono from quite a distance away, standing by his throne and looking pretty like a good little girl.

"What? Kimiko?" Rai cocked his brow and wondered why in the world he was dreaming about her in such fashion. As if having just caught wind of his thoughts, Kim looked in his direction and starting fanning her face, batting her eyelashes seductively all the same.

Curious yet hesitant, Rai was just going to take a step forward and meet her when suddenly he heard a soft voice that practically echoed from the lonely corner of his mind.

"Olá Raimundo."

"...Huh?" The Brazilian stopped what he was doing and glanced around. He saw that the other end of the palace had faded into nothing more than empty gray space. And then he watched as the silhouette of a mysterious shifting figure set foot onto the shiny (and expensive-looking) palace floor.

Rai squinted his eyes inquisitively. "So who are you?"

The figure brightened from dark obscurity to his true colors, proving himself to resemble the tanned teenager, only smaller. "Você sabe quem eu sou," he answered in pure Portuguese.

Completely alienated, Raimundo stared hard at his own likeness, then back into the cold gray smog. "...You're a younger me, aren't you? ...But, how am I even _seeing_ me?"

"Este é o SEU sonho, não é?" came Little Rai's reply. He snuggled his teddy bear to his cheek for security. "E por que você está sonhando sobre sua amiga? _Por que você está sonhando essas coisas ruins?_"

Old Raimundo had never seen anyone appear both so frightened and disappointed in his entire life. Concerned, he slowly walked on toward the distressed tyke, who began to whimper as if out of some kind of innocent confusion.

"Lookin' at oneself can be most unnerving if you don't like what ya see." Another voice soon arrested him, however, and his dreamscape quickly morphed into Ipanema Beach of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Rai couldn't tell where that mocking tone came from, but he had a pretty good guess as to who was the source. The same evil bean dude who'd crossed some major boundary lines – psychologically speaking.

"Whew, home sweet home," he almost forced himself to say. But this whole return to Rio, even when in the confines of a whimsical magic dream, couldn't give him nearly as much peace as he hoped for. Rai realized he now had his swimming trunks on, and although his younger self remained by his side with "Ninja Fred," there were gaggles of foxy bikini-clad women folk in the distance, waving and whistling at him.

"Yoo-hoo!" "Over here!" "_Venha cá!_"

Raimundo made with a jump and a short gasp; surely foxy women folk were not his only idea of a utopia. Little Raimundo cowered even more at the sight.

The prettiest of the women had the indecency to approach the two one-and-the-same Brazilians. The tiny one hid very promptly as she clasped a hand upon the tall one's petrified shoulder.

"Havin' fun, lover boy? It's a mighty fine day to be out on the beach." The beautiful woman grinned, revealing those hideously familiar yellow teeth.

"...Oh no, it's YOU." Rai unfroze, and his eyebrows went heavy immediately. "Yo Bean! I'm warning you right now, you'd better get outta of my head or else!" He slapped the woman's hand off him.

"Aah! Why that's no way to treat a lady!" she, or rather he, exclaimed. "Howdyou expect to win ol' Kimiko over with such mishandlin'?"

"...What did you just say?"

"You heard right, _hun_." Hannibal Bean hissed that last word to belittle his foe. "I know what you think o' that there warrior of Fire. ...Mm, she's the finest pick on the market, ain't she? Your lil' soon-to-be trophy wife. Heh-heh-heh."

"Hey QUIT IT! Don't talk about her like that!"" The warrior of Wind attempted to throw a punch Hannibal in his gorgeous woman form, but he dodged it quickly, and then the surroundings started to turn gray and swirly. With all the spinning going on Raimundo could barely keep his balance after the failed punch. Yet eventually, he recovered his footing as the small town of Tubarão came to his attention. He stood on a hill overlooking his birthplace – redressed in casual attire – and Little Rai was of course standing there with him.

"Eu adorava tanto Tubarão..." began mumbling Little Rai into his stuffed animal. "Por que tivemos que mover?"

Old Rai honestly couldn't tell him the answer, and he sorely regretted the inability to do so. "I... don't know. Sorry dude."

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!" rang sudden evil laughter.

Raimundo had had enough of this gnawing omnipresent voice in his head. He clenched his fists and stared into a sky of sunset orange. "Would you stop hiding and come out where I can at least see your ugly fat-face? All you're doing is stalling for time before I kick your can."

"Mm-hm-hm... you speak the truth dear boy. How 'unproductive' of me." The bean flashed himself behind the Brazilian, discreetly so, and put a large tentacle on his shoulder, making him shriek.

"Heh, don't be _AFRAID_ now." Hannibal forced Rai to face the boy who resembled him. "Look here; adorable eh? This is you as a fledglin'! _Awww_."

Reverting from startled to irritated, Raimundo made a scowling expression, meant not for Little Rai, but for the demon. "I already _know_ he is," he muttered.

The demon next hopped to the tinier boy and put a tentacle on _him_. "...Shy, under-confident, never did speak up much durin' English class, heh-heh."

The little boy could only peer down in shame.

"Had to make himself feel better other ways, maybe by goin' off with friends and causin' trouble."

Raimundo's expression softened as he thought of a manner in which to respond. However, before he got the chance Hannibal switched the scenery again. This time Rai found he was alone in a dark and shabby basement, with nothing but the glare of a television screen to light up every worn-and-torn detail of the area.

Raimundo drew toward the lone TV. There was an American surfer flick playing; he enjoyed those, and this one in particular had characters who would insipidly utter the word "dude" over and over.

"Hey there, long tan n' handsome." A big red basement monster sat nearby on a green couch in front of the television set. "C'mere n' have a seat next to ol' Hannibal Roy Bean." He patted the sofa's empty spot.

Rai didn't understand what was happening, but his dream-body was voluntarily walking over to the dangerous villain and sitting down next to him as told.

Hannibal kept his yellow gaze fixed on the teenager while he brought up a box that steamed warmly and smelled of molten cheese. "Mmmm. Out of the generosity of my heart, I ordered you a large pipin'-hot pizza. I couldn't help but notice how you like to stuff yerself with that slop."

"...Uh... thanks." Rai skeptically took his slice and, with an unsure eyebrow-crease, bit into it in silence. _Why was he eating at a time like this?_

Hannibal smirked as the Brazilian kid resumed watching the captivating surfer film. Satisfied that he was "reeling in his catch," he picked up the remote and flipped the channel to something else entirely. That something else turned out to be Omi, Kimiko, and Clay, doing battle against none other than the Sapphire Dragon in a Cosmic Clash Xiaolin Showdown.

Seeing this unexpected change of channel, Rai got angry fast. "HEY! I was watching that!"

"..._Oh-ho-ho_, you'd rather watch a movie and ignore your fellow monks' struggle? Tsk tsk!"

All of a sudden, Rai discovered that the great-tasting pizza he'd been chewing was turning sour in his mouth. He warily glanced at the bean.

"Yep. And it sure is a cryin' shame you double-crossed me like you'd done your 'friends.'" HB did not hesitate to wrap a greasy tentacle around his host. "But I'm plenty willin' to forgive! No hard feelin's!"

"Wait, since when did I double-cross..." Right then, Raimundo remembered. He spat out the pizza. "Kim! Omi! Clay!" He got up from his couch potato-ing and ran for the nearest staircase. But as he frantically tried to climb the steps, they became flat and slippery, causing him to stumble and drop back down into the darkness.

He groaned, opened his eyes, and next found that he had landed in the middle of a filthy street, with surrounding apartment buildings to match it. "_Now_ where am I." He eventually arose dressed in his white hoodie and green trousers, recognizing his own presence in the depths of Rio's favelas.

"...Uh-oh."

A suspicious white stretch limo soon drove up next to him, blasting heavy funk. Rai's reflection shown in one of the black windows before it rolled down. Hannibal appeared from inside, and he had gold in his mouth, hat turned sideways, styling shades, and a glittering medallion, which formed the letters "H" and "B."

"_Whatchoo doin' comin' down here without parent's permission?_" he scolded. "You naughty, _naughty_ boy!"

All Raimundo did was stand there. "I – "

"Ah save yer breath funny man, and hop in."

Raimundo stepped backward instead. "No I can't I... I have to help the guys."

"_You... you?_" taunted Hannibal. "Whydyou care about _them_ when it's supposed to be about _you-you-you_ huh?"

Rai raised both hands in defense and shook his head. "..._Argh_, just... leave me alone!"

"Ha-ha, no can do; I'm here to stay. Now c'mon!" A tendril grabbed the boy's wrist and yanked him through the window.

Inside, Rai flopped onto a cozy leopard skin-padded seat. He lifted his eyes and saw a small screen playing a DVD. It showed his friends tirelessly fighting the Sapphire Dragon and its zoo animal cohorts. One by one, they were falling.

But try as he may, the Wind monk couldn't move himself; the ever-comfy seat had too much of an influence. Then posthaste, the limo rocked and crashed, and he got hurled into the front.

He flipped and landed on his feet in another dark room. This time, stained glass towered overhead. Fancy architecture was steadfastly poised on every side, leaning in from every angle. In some way or another, Raimundo felt like the whole building was observing him closely, judging his actions. "_Hello?_" He perceived an echo as well as his own breath, yet oddly he couldn't see any color in the cathedral's tall glass windows; the Church was too long forgotten, and it certainly was too dull and drab to withhold any such coloration other than black and white.

A voice he despised sounded loudly from above. "RAIMUNDO! Have a guesstimate as to who's the only one who took the effort to... _appreciate_ your deepest darkest secrets."

"Ch-yeah, well I'm pretty sure NO ONE wants you getting the lowdown on their 'secrets.'" Rai rotated around and scanned the environment in a paranoid battle stance.

"Come-come... let's talk about that Omi fer instance! You most definitely _enjoyed_ beatin' him up in the _last_ Showdown... n' I could see it too! He'd hurt your ego so many times ya needed to hurt him back. Revenge; it's a wonderful thing."

The windows stretched further to the hundred-foot ceiling as Rai's breath got choked off and he plummeted to a lower floor. Strangely enough, his third landing was _soft_ and _blubbery_. Bright lights switched on, and he visualized a crowd of... very chubby people indulging themselves with fast food. They were _everywhere_ around him, and he was being uncomfortably squished in the center of the mess.

"_AAAH!_" Nothing else could possibly squawk from that scrawny throat of his.

Then by the mercy of who-knows-what, someone whisked him away and threw him into a reclining massage chair. He and the big thing had been situated in a red-carpeted bachelor pad of sorts, containing everything he could have ever wished for: oodles of cash stacks, hot tubs, lava lamps, video games, race cars, speed boats... a map of Canada, and a humongous plasma screen television.

Hannibal Bean stood off in a shadowy corner at a disc jockey turntable, still wearing his shades, hat, and bling-bling, but also a pair of headphones. He cranked up Rai's favorite blistering hip-hop and with a double-clap of his tendrils turned on the giant TV. It showed Omi and the Sapphire Dragon battling incessantly. Kimiko and Clay were gone, so Omi appeared to be their last hope in stopping the blue fire-breathing Shen Gong Wu.

"OMI!" Raimundo couldn't stand to witness this while in a _chair_. He tried to get out of it, but a great many black tentacles sprang up automatically and attached themselves to the Brazilian, not unlike leeches, urging him to stay seated and be lazy.

"Urf... _lemme go!_"

"Ah-ah-ah!" DJ Hannibal remained at his post, wagging a tendril. "Don't think about goin' nowhere; it's just startin' to get fun!"

Raimundo continued grunting and fighting the tentacles regardless. After a few seconds he had had the last straw, and thus used his wind powers to burst free from each of their grasps.

Now with a hand on the soft red floor, Rai's eyes searched intensely for the demon responsible.

"Kid, don't you understand?" The bored-sounding voice instantly led him to "DJ HB" in the corner.

"With the Sapphire Dragon at your disposal you can reign supreme over the Wudai Warriors!" Hannibal had to speak especially loud amidst the thumping music. "You're stronger than them, _better than them_, and you DESERVE the recognition after all the ridicule you've had to put up with. ...That, and you always wanted your own army of zombies, heh." He finished by wiping the spot where his nose would be.

Raimundo raised his eyebrows, but lowered his eyes in return. "I'm not gonna... there's _no way_ I'm doing anything like that again..."

"FOOL!" Hannibal Bean threw two of his records at Raimundo, who reacted quickly and barely evaded them. They hurdled toward the huge TV and crashed into the screen, reducing the ongoing Showdown to black nothingness.

"You NEVER cared about 'them' unless you got somethin' outta it!" The bean cranked the volume to maximum decibel level, which started violently shaking the expensive room. "Good-for-nothin' hypocrite!"

Meanwhile, beyond the noise, there existed a clear glass wall on the other side. It contained the young Raimundo, as well as his old bedroom, the whole while. This room was different; it was simple and had both junior soccer medals and a multitude of stuffed animals. Ninja Fred, which Little Rai eternally held onto, was without question his favorite of the bunch (but woe be it to him if his friends found any of this out). He was just silently sitting there on his bed when he turned and took to heart the chaos that was going on outside. He decided to slowly step down and go to the dividing wall.

By then the rappy hip-hoppy music wasn't pleasurable to listen to any longer. In fact, it was painfully blaring through Rai's eardrums in one relentless onslaught. And it was bad enough to bring the teen to his knees.

The shadow of Hannibal cast gleefully overhead as Raimundo's guilt thrashed him.

"_Please... stop – _"

"Boy, you just will not LEARN!" HB aimed to whip him into shape by literally whipping him across the room and into a scalding hot tub. "This is what ya wanted; be grateful for once in your dang life!"

Little Raimundo watched the fight from the safety of the glass. He stared upward only to see that the glass was cracking due to the constant pounding of the music. It soon broke apart and shattered to the floor in front of him.

Cutting back, Hannibal was ready to hammer Old Raimundo into the hot water the second he emerged for cold air. However, he first had something to say once Rai did as such.

"I sure hope you can reconsider your _realliance_ with those Xiaolin brats."

Raimundo began to crawl out, drenched and coughing up liquid. "Can't... I've gotta go help them..."

As a change of plans, the bean seized the Brazilian and proceeded to constrict him in his tentacle. "WHAT FOR? You hate Omi, you've wanted Kimiko as your county fair prize since day _one_, and well... you and I both know Clay is dumber than the dirt he sits in. ..._Hah_, at best the brats are like yer lil' 'security blankets.'" Hannibal then noticed out the corner of his eye that Little Rai was carefully stepping over the shards of glass and entering the room he was not supposed to enter. The bean focused in on Ninja Fred.

"...Oh and whaddyou know? Same kinda thing goes for that bear o' yours!" Saying this, he slammed his bigger prey into a nearby race car and went after the small one. Little Rai saw him and rapidly tried to flee, but he was snatched in an instant. He screamed in fear.

Raimundo was recovering from his back-crash against the car when he gasped at what he witnessed was happening. "NO! Leave him alone!"

Hannibal ignored that order while he shook the terrorized tyke, who broke down in tears.

"...Men don't cry son!" shouted the masculine bean. "You know what _you_ are? Fragile, emotional, and WEAK."

This was it. No longer did Raimundo see Little Rai as "Little Rai"; he saw him as any other kid who needed his mother, or rather his father. So he growled and then flew at the abhorrent seed, kicking him in the side and knocking him away with a gust of wind.

Reaching out, Raimundo caught the boy in midair and gently descended to the floor. And now with the boy safe and sound, Raimundo embraced him. He heard him begin to quiet his crying as he kept him cradled in his arms.

Coming to from the glass-covered carpet, Hannibal Bean took a gander at the duo. "...Pthuh," he rasped at them, "a self-pity display, that's what _that_ is."

Raimundo knew Hannibal's words weren't true though, not anymore. A not-so-little birdie once told him that he selflessly possessed the gift of kindness, and he was going to prove it.

"...Forget him; it's okay." He lowered his head and rubbed the back of the child.

That's when the child looked up to him and smiled meekly, with tears not having dried yet. "Obrigado Raimundo."

Instantaneously, he disappeared out of Rai's arms and into seeming nonexistence. Directly following this, however, Raimundo acted upon his intuition, meditated deeply, and then faded into his powerful Wudai Orion form. He had his eyes shut, but he opened them to face Hannibal Bean dead-on, now full of contempt for his foe.

Hannibal gawked at the Wind warrior. "WHA? You can't do _THAT!_ What is this?"

"It's MY dream dude... _remember?_" But Rai was the person who remembered; he remembered Omi's nourishing teachings about discipline (no matter how obnoxious they could be); he remembered Clay's firm beliefs in all things just and true; and lastly he recalled Kimiko's burning confidence and (mostly) righteous fury. He understood that his mind had been wrongfully invaded and that he had been used as a mere pawn for evil deeds; it was absolutely infuriating.

Hannibal Roy Bean bared his rotting teeth. "Well fine then, let's see if we can't 'even the playing field!' RRAH!" He arose and grew to gigantic proportions, forcing the bachelor ceiling to uprise. He turned downward, his big black shades streaking with a bitter light.

"EAT BOAT YA BOBO!" Using his long fat tentacle, he snagged one of the speed boats in the vicinity and flung it at the now-flying Xiaolin monk. Hitting him down, it would have crushed Raimundo easily had he not been protected by his defensive Wudai field.

When the debris had cleared, Rai was on all fours, facing the opposite direction. He turned his head slightly. "...I thought I warned you to get out!" That said, he flipped around, put every ounce of his power into his arms, and thrust them forward. Hannibal gaped wide-eyed.

"WUDAI STAR, WIND!"

The resulting air-blast shot at the big bean, tearing off his precious bling, his shades, his headphones, and also his sideways hat.

"_Raimundo!_ DON'T!"

He desperately tried to hang on to the bachelor walls, but everything, including him, got whipped up in the storm. Raimundo's horizontal tornado succeeded at blasting him through the room, past "as pessoas gordas," the cathedral, the slums of Rio, the lone basement, Tubarão, Ipanema Beach, Rai's Heylin palace, and then the cave, where the demon was permanently cast out.

With that complete, the Cosmic Clash Showdown the rest of the monks were a part of ended for good, and the formidable Sapphire Dragon vanished into thin air. The landscape returned to normal, and the Wudai Warriors found themselves in the possession of three Shen Gong Wu. Plainly so.

"...We... won?" questioned a bemused Omi.

But, _how?_" wondered Kimiko.

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><p>There Raimundo lay, back in real time, back at Master Monk Guan's temple. It was at the instant Hannibal Roy Bean got blown away into the night that the Dragon of Wind finally relaxed; every muscle untightened, his pounding heart gradually slowed down, and his brain cooled. Although he was still asleep on a hard floor – no bed, no blankets, not even a mat – it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. Nope. No dilly whatsoever.<p>

But he would be sure to make Omi a nice breakfast come the following morning... despite the naïve monk's flaws. It was the least he could do.

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><p><strong>There, I'm satisfied now. Sort of anyway; methinks it was a tad rushed.<strong>

**See, I had problems with Season 3. It came down to just a scam geared toward making Raimundo look good and Omi bad. And what sense is there in treating the other monks unfairly, as far as character development is concerned? **

**Hannibal Bean would say that Raimundo's greatest fear was "not being good enough." _Is that all there is to life?_ Nah... in my mind Raimundo's greatest fear would be that, deep down, all he cares about is himself. And apparently, he's all the Season 3 writers cared about too.**

**The themes of human selfishness and pride is something I'll be covering in the "Xiaolin Command" fics. Much, much later I might add!**

**Enough beating around the bush; _I very much appreciate feedback._ *hint-hint* I've tried to jam-pack this thing with symbolism and imagery and stuff, so any questions and/or discussion would be great.**

**I am also so cheap as to not translate the dialogue that's in Portuguese (which may or may not have been done well), but English translations off to the side just look so awkward and distracting.**


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